it's about time i got around to writing this down, seeing as my son is 8 months old and i'm pregnant with my second. what! i've been putting it off, but i know that the details are only going to get fuzzier and fuzzier as my pregnancy goes on and probably disappear once i have my second birthing experience. Owen's birth is an experience i will treasure in my heart forever. although i might not be able to recollect the exact times and conversations i can feel the emotions as if i'm in the moment all over again. i hope i never lose that.
this is a long and detailed post.
i won't be mad if no one has any interest in reading it.
i wrote it for me.
sunday, july 22, 2012
i woke up around 4am after having a terrible nightmare. in my dream i had miscarried and there was blood everywhere. when i sprung awake and sprinted to the bathroom there was just the tiniest bit of blood on the toilet paper. i, of course, burst in to tears and started yelling for Beau. he came into the bathroom and calmed me down, insisting that i was fine, if something was wrong with the baby there would be a lot more blood. he convinced me to wait until 7am to call the dr.
i spent the three hours between scouring my pregnancy books and the internet and eventually decided that i had pass my bloody show. when i called, the nurse agreed that that was what it sounded like and we together decided that there was no reason to move forward my check that was scheduled for wed.
monday, july 23, 2012
i had what felt like menstrual cramps. when i called, the nurse said they were probably braxton hicks contractions since i was only 36wks along. (apparently i've had menstrual cramps that feel like contractions since i was 12. i guess my body knew it needed to prepare)
tuesday, july 24, 2012
while leaving the grocery store with my mom i mentioned that it felt "really wet" down there all day. i was wearing pantie liners and it would leak through. she insisted that i call the dr, because it sounded like my water was leaking. i did and was told to go to labor and delivery to be evaluated.
once there, the nurse hooked me up to the electronic fetal monitor and saw that Owen's heart beat was good and i was having small contractions. she then used a Ph strip to check if my water was leaking. the Ph strip was positive but it was also positive in my urine sample, so that alone couldn't be proof that my water was leaking. the kept me there for another hour before she evaluated me again. she said that normally when someone's sack is leaking, fluid would gush out when she pressed on it. that wasn't happening, so they sent me home.
and thank God they did. because guess what? i
was in labor. my water
was leaking. and had they realized that and kept me at the hospital i probably would have been given pitocin to hurry up the process and that was the very last thing i wanted.
wednesday, july 25, 2012
8:00am- i had a rough night and wasn't feeling so hot when i woke up. i had been having what felt like menstrual cramps, but according to the doctors, and every google search, that wasn't what real contractions felt like. in spite of the dull pain i forced myself to get dressed and drive to work. i was doing office work for my dad's company so "the office" was my parents house.
10:00am- after a few hours of sending and answering e-mails, my mom insisted that i go lay down on the couch because she could see how uncomfortable the pains were making me. i told her i just needed to finish this one e-mail first, but she refused to let me telling me it could wait. i went a laid down on the recliner and my mom kept looking over at me, with a very concerned look on her face. finally she said "Katie, you look just like i felt when i was in labor. tell me when you have the next pain." so i did and she started timing the distance between my pains.
they were 8 min apart. then they were 7 min apart. then 6. then 5. i was in labor!
11:00am i knew i needed to call the doctor and call Beau and while i was trying to decided who to call first, it happened.
my water broke. and then began the pain. if i thought i was having pain with each contraction before, oh boy. this pain was unbearable. it immediately brought me to tears. i rushed to the bathroom and my heart dropped when i saw that the liquid had i green tint. i knew that meant meconium. my little man had already made his first poopy. so as i called the doctor my mom called Beau and told him it was time. we left the house while still on the phone and my mom drove like a mad woman to the hospital (she kept praying that we would make it to the hospital. she really didn't want to have to deliver my baby in the back seat of her van)
11:30am- we arrived at the hospital and Beau arrived almost immediately after us. i don't think i had ever been so happy to see him. as soon as he walked through the door i started leaning on him and squeezing the crap out of his arm/back/whatevericouldgetaholdof. poor guy. the nurse brought a wheelchair to bring me back to my room, but when i tried to sit down the pain that was already unbearable became 10x worse. the nurse said that was a good sign, i guess because that meant i was far along?
so i slowly waddled my way back to the room constantly asking the nurse when i could get an epidural. i needed an epidural! she said she needed to first check how far along i was and that would require my to lay down in the hospital bed. problem was, when i sat or laid down the pain became 10x worse.
(from the point that i arrived at the hospital i have no recollection of timing. so we're going to approximate)
~12:30pm- Beau and the nurse finally convinced me to lay down just for 5 min so she could check me. i was completely effaced and 6cm dilated. she said she would work on getting my epidural and left to talk to the doctor. as soon as she left i was back out of the bed because the pain was more than i could stand. i was pacing and squatting and leaning on the bed, trying to find something that might ease the pain. (you know how most women have a moment of relief between contractions? yeah, i didn't have that because i was having back labor.)
~1:00pm- finally the pain became too much and i threw up. that was my breaking point. i very sternly told Beau he needed to get out there and find me someone who would give me an epidural. my nurse came back and said that it was taking so long because my doctor was in a delivery, but she finally had the ok and my epidural was on it's way.
~1:30pm- the anesthesiology arrived and gave me my epidural. i'm really squeamish about needles so i though it would be really bad, but in comparison to the pain of labor, it was nothing. it didn't take long for the epidural to start working. each contraction became less and less painful and the constant pain of back labor slowly disappeared. the nurse checked my progress and i was 8cm dilated and Owen's head was way down.
the time between then and delivery is very much a blur. i was in and out of sleep for most of it. i remember the nurse telling me to call her if i felt the urge to push, but i couldn't feel anything. i also remember right before she checked me for the last time, she came in and looked and the contraction sheet and said when she saw how strong my contractions were she was thinking she needed to lower the pitocin before she remembered that i wasn't on pitocin.
~3:00pm- the nurse went to check my progress to see if i was getting close and i was completely dilated and Owen's head was visible, almost crowning! she rushed to tell the doctor and prep me for labor. a few nurses from the nicu came down because Owen was only 36wks. they explained that they were going to check and make sure his lungs were ok and that he hadn't swallowed any meconium right after delivery and then they'd hand him back to me. i was nervous and excited and more than anything couldn't wait to finally look into my baby's eyes.
~3:30- my doctor came in and the pushing began. this part of Owen's birth, the delivery part, is probably my most favorite thing i have every experienced. pushing with all my might knowing that after all this hard work my son was going to be in my arms gives you a greater high than you can possibly imagine. being able to watch it all happen makes it that much better. seeing his head get closer with every push gave me the drive to push longer and harder. after 3 or 4 pushes his heart beat was dropping with each push and the doctor decided to use the vacuum to get him out with the next push. he placed it on Owen's head and i pushed harder than i knew i could and it happened.
4:12- my tiny baby boy was born into this great big world. the doctor quickly held him so i could see him and had Beau quickly cut the cord before handing him off to the nicu nurses. thankfully he was screaming the entire time which meant that his lungs were healthy. they cleaned him up and weighed him and handed him back over to me.
holding my baby in my arms for the first time it was like everything was right in the world. all my worries and fears disappeared. i had finally found where i belong. i had found my meaning, my purpose. it was as if the answer to all my questions were in his dark squinty eyes.
Owen's perfect little 7lb 1oz and 20in self changed my world so drastically in a matter of seconds. the woman i was at 4:11 had no idea the depth of love a heart can hold.
