sick and tired of feeling sick and tired

lately i feel like i'm dragging. 

does anyone else know that feeling?

it's 5:30am. the baby is crying in his crib and you have to force yourself to admit that you aren't just dreaming. he's not going to stop until you get your lazy bum out of bed and change his diaper/give him food/entertain him. so you flop out of bed and, eyes still glued shut, stumble your way to the baby's room. 

you satisfy whatever baby's needs are, all the while willing him with all your might to not be awake for the day. to please, please fall back to sleep, just for 1,000 30 more min.

and so begins the day.

a day full of never ending loads of laundry, floors to vacuum, meals to plan, groceries to buy, bottles to wash, diapers to change.

at times you feel like your using all your energy to keep yourself from collapsing on the bed and passing out until tomorrow. you feel like you can't remember the last time you had a good night sleep and don't think you'll ever have one again. your life is spent just going through the motions counting down the minutes until you can hit the bed again.

this has been my life lately.

i've spent so much time blaming chores or motherhood (it's tough, right?) when the truth is those things have nothing to do with how exhausted i'm feeling.

this morning, as i was popping doughnut holes into my mouth for breakfast, it hit me.

i'm doing this to myself

i have no one else and nothing else to blame but me.

many days i hardly eat and when i do it ends up being 'easy' junk food, i complain about feeling tired all day and then stay up until midnight watching hulu, and i can't even remember the last time i did any exercise... i think i took Owen for a stroll... two weeks ago..?

although i weigh less than i have in a long time, i have never felt so out of shape in my life.  

so today is the day i'm deciding to make a change.

not a diet for a couple weeks or a 10 week workout routine.

a lifestyle change

i'm going to make an effort to eat less processed foods and eat more fresh fruits and veggies.

i'm going to be in bed by 9pm and asleep by 10pm.

i'm going to do some sort of physical activity- every day.

and i'm going to track my progress to hold myself accountable.

i'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired and today is the day i do something about it