my heavy heart

i'm writing today with a heavy heart.

i started this blog at a time in my life where i was feeling low. i was a newly wed and a new momma and should have been feeling joy and happiness and for the most part i was. but i was also feeling attacked and rejected and like i wasn't good enough. and to be honest those feelings are sometimes still lingering in the background. i thought starting a blog might fulfill me.

i had these great ideas that if i started a blog, it could be like a journal for me. i could write what was on my heart here instead of drafting it into e-mails to the people who were hurting me. and every once in a while i have. i've poured out my heart here and in return gotten nothing but kind words of encouragement from the amazing women who, for some reason i can't quite figure out, read this blog. and it's been so uplifting, and yet i still feel an emptiness knowing that no matter how many readers accept me, it doesn't take away the hurt these other people caused me.

i find myself in an inner battle that goes something like this-

"i should call and apologize to them, because even though i don't think i did anything wrong they obviously do." 

"but that would be dishonest, to them and to myself. i know they are in the wrong here. the things they said to me were so hurtful, i don't think i can ever get over them." 

"but God would want you to forgive." 

"ok fine, i forgive them, but i still don't think i can forget the things they said!"

"just pray about it, God will give you the answer."

"but i've been praying about it! i pray about it every day! i still don't know what to do"

and this battle goes on almost daily. i am at a loss. i would love any advice, even if it might not be what i want to hear.

i just want to get over this, whatever that takes.

wbw- Beau's style

hahahahahaha <----- that's me cracking up at this week's topic! you see, Beau, has no "style" ;)

What is your husband's style?
my husband's style is... lack of style. but that's totally fine! it's actually one of the things i love about him that he doesn't care about what's in or out. i had relationships with guys who cared about clothes more than i do, i just don't find it attractive.

What is your LEAST favorite piece(s) of his wardrobe?

definitely his "free t-shirt" collection. he has all kinds of t-shirts he's collected over the years from events he's volunteered at and races he's run, and that's great except they usually come in hideous bright colors.

If you have a picture show us!!

What would you love for your man to wear? 
just a nice sweater, but he wont... he wont wear sweaters or stripes period

now this is not to say that he can't dress well or doesn't look hot all the time (cause he does)! he just doesn't put much thought at all into the clothes he wears. he's a jeans and t-shirt kinda guy :)

november cara box

first a little update- O's fever is gone {thank you God!} and he's back to his normal playful self. now i'm not feeling so hot, but it's ok, i'd much rather i be sick then him!

now on to the exciting stuff!

this month i decided to take part in the cara box exchange hosted by Kaitlyn at wifesessionals. it is the greatest idea and i'm so glad i found it! if you've never heard of it- check it out!

the theme this month was CHILDHOOD and i was paired up with Jana. we quickly discovered we have a LOT in common! we both got married less than a year after meeting our husbands, we both have chunky baby boys, we both love singing and musicals, we both love to bake (she went to culinary school!), and the list seriously goes on and on! 

it's fitting that this month's theme was childhood because i was giddy as a school girl when my box arrived last night :) check out all the awesome stuff she got me!

she included a bunch of hand-written "secret" recipes and chocolate chips to bake with

my favorite childhood candy- m&m's! i of course devoured these minutes after opening the box.

a personalized mug and hot chocolate. how sweet is that!

remember how i was saying we're so alike? i personalized a gift for her too!

she also included a cute little onesie for Owen because i love christmas and secret santa and the sweetest note explaining all the gifts.

i really enjoyed getting to know Jana this month! she is so sweet and genuine and not to mention an amazing chef! i know we'll stay friends through our blogs and e-mail.

go check out her awesome blog!---->CLICK HERE

christmas cards

just ordered our christmas cards! i'm so excited to see how they turn out :)

Photo Card

View the entire collection of cards.

tuesday topics- travel

a little update on O. surprisingly he slept 12hrs last night! i was hopeful that he slept the bug off, but he woke up with a 101.2 temp. he was acting much more normal this am- chatting and giggling, but that's gone away and now he's back to the way he was yesterday. i gave him tylenol for the fever and he's drinking pedialyte to prevent dehydration. he fell asleep nursing, which is why i can write this right now.

 

this week's question is:

If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be?

there are a few places i've already been that i'd love to go back to with Beau and O.

ireland

san francisco

but somewhere i'd love to visit, that i've never seen before, is

ITALY

naples

venice

rome

and, of course

the beautiful italian countryside 

where would you like to go? join the link-up and let everyone know! :)

baby/thanksgiving weekend update

i am happy to say that Owen is peacefully sleeping in his crib.

it was a long day, to say the least. this morning he woke up sweating, we're talking soaking hands and feet, and running a 100.6 temp under the arm. after calling the nurse, i learned, to my dismay, that i had to take is temp rectally for it to be accurate. so i did. and his temp, after 1hr of tylenol  was 100.7. so the nurse had me come in for the second time in less than a week! (O was so constipated the doc called for an x-ray last tues.) we got to the office and they examined him and everything looked fine, his fever had gone down to 100.1 and his blood work came back normal. then, of course, as soon as we got home, his temp spiked back up to 101.7 and he had his 3rd blowout for the day. after cleaning all that up and another dose of tylenol his temp went back down to 100.7 and has stayed there so far.

it was literally painful today to see him in so much pain. he would just moan and drift in and out of sleep. it was the first time i really felt helpless. he was in so much pain and there was nothing i could do about it. i was surprised how physically painful it was for me to see him like that.

i am praying so hard that this was just a 24/hr bug and he'll be back to my silly, playful, demanding baby tomorrow. but... i'm being realistic and preparing myself for a long night.

now to catch up!

this week i'm doing two link-ups in one :)

and

 

 this weekend started early with my second favorite holiday, thanksgiving!

THURSDAY

thursday morning O was so excited for his first thanksgiving that he just couldn't sleep past 6am! lucky mommy! so our thanksgiving got off to an early start, and honestly i'm thankful. having an early start gave me ample time to get pretty looking like a normal human being does on a normal day. so i put on straightened my hair, put on perfume, got on a semi-fashionable outfit, and even threw on some make-up- all things that don't happen often since O was born. so... i demanded that we take our chirstmas photos!

most of them ended up like this... but we got a few good ones and i'm so excited about sending out our first christmas cards!

then we headed over to my uncle's house for thanksgiving dinner. it was a full house with 20 people! of course everyone was doting on O and my uncle even prayed a special prayer of thanksgiving for O while blessing the food. after the feast, the men cleaned the kitchen ( i know! can you believe it?) and everyone hung out until finally O was exhausted and we went home. 

FRIDAY

our black friday tradition is to do anything but go shopping. no, but seriously, our tradition is to decorate for christmas the day after thanksgiving. so we got dressed up all festive and put on the christmas music and decked the halls. O loved the shiny christmas tree, he couldn't take his eyes off it!

then after all the decorating was done, Mary decided she wanted to donate her hair to locks of love. i am so proud of her and doesn't she look gorgeous!

SATURDAY

saturday was spent playing board games with my fam. it was a lot of fun! and it turns out i was too busy having fun to remember to take pictures.. oops! 

that afternoon we ventured out to have lunch with Beau's good friend Joey. He leaves for boot camp today and will be missed! 

SUNDAY

sunday was nice and relaxing. O was really great during mass, never once had to go outside! :)

after mass one of my very best friends, Halle, came over to say hi. she is living in florida now, but was home for the holidays. O was talking and laughing and being the silly little guy he is. he loved her!

sorry for the overload! things will be back to normal soon (i hope)

poor baby

well I had planned to be back in the blogging world today, but poor little O woke up with a fever :( so i don't plan on leaving this little guy's side today.

i'll be back as soon as he's feeling better.

wedded bliss wednesday- thankful

this week's link-up is just one question-

what are you most thankful for in your marriage?

there are so many things about my marriage to Beau that i am thankful for. but i think, especially lately, the thing i'm most thankful for is our support for one another. it is so comforting to know that no matter what Beau will be by my side supporting me, my feelings, and my decisions; and i will do the same for him. this complete support for one another comes from the fact that we are totally honest with each other and therefore totally trust each other. Beau and i both believe that honesty is the most important thing in our relationship (and really in any relationship) and that means never lying to one another, but also never keeping things from one another. these are things we've seen happen in other relationships, and have seen how destructive it can be. this is why i am so so thankful that we completely trust each other, and therefore completely support each other in everything we do.

I love you Beau, and i am thankful for your support today and everyday!

i hope everyone has a wonderful thanksgiving tomorrow, enjoying great food and even greater company! God bless!

tuesday topics- the perfect day

this week they're keeping it simple...

Describe your perfect day.

my perfect day would begin with me Owen sleeping in until 8:30am! once O did wake up, Beau would get him, change his diaper, and bring him to me to nurse. after nursing O, Beau would get him dressed while I took a long hot shower, put on my make-up, and got ready for the day. then we would all go out for brunch at panera. after having brunch we would drive up to the mountains and O would be happy the whole way! once we got there, we'd hike up Brasstown Bald and enjoy the beautiful sights. on the way home, we'd stop in Helen for ice cream and window shopping. that evening we'd have dinner at my parents house with all of my sibling. after dinner we'd play cards and board games. when we got home, O would go to sleep without any trouble and sleep through the night and the hubs and i would get a little bow-chicka-wowow action on ;)

that sounds like the perfect day!

weekend update

FRIDAY

firday afternoon my cost a penny julep maven box arrived! it was so exciting to get such great stuff for almost free :) i have Samantha from Hooah and Hiccups to thank for that!

friday evening we did our typical pizza and a movie night. we watched The Amazing Spider-man  it was really good! they definitely set it up for a sequel.

SATURDAY

saturday morning we went out to run some errands. we were supposed to "just run in" to target, but O fell asleep and that left us "stuck there" for an hour. i was so dissapointed... ;) then we headed over to the mall to get some lunch before going home so O could have a real nap. the rest of the day was spent hanging out at home and relaxing. that evening we watched Moonrise Kingdom. it was a very odd movie.

SUNDAY
sunday morning we went to mass and then Beau had his RCIA class until 1pm. O and i went home so he could get a good nap in. the rest of the day was spent hanging out with my family while Beau worked on building a shoe rack for our closet. i'm so lucky to have such a handy hubby!